From the Inside Out

God is working on me from the inside out and this blog is a way for me to share with you what God is doing in my life as well as other misc details and thoughts that I choose to share.

God's work on me is exciting, frustrating and scary. Exciting because I do not want to stay the same. I want to be more like Christ! I want to have a gentle spirit, joy that makes people look twice and wonder, peace beyond my understanding while in the midst of trials and a love for people that I both love and find hard to love. How exciting that Jesus wants to help me accomplish these changes. How merciful that God has already sent the Holy Spirit in me to be my guide, my coach, my personal "spiritual" trainer.

Change however is frustrating and scary. Who really wants to work hard? And when I work hard I want results and change NOW not months or years from now. Who wants to put themselves last while placing God and His will first? What if I don't like God's will or His plans? Who will be my make sure that I don't get taken for granted if I'm not advocating for 'my rights'? Am I guaranteed change for my hard work? And, why, O WHY, do I keep doing the same damaging things over and over and over and over again. "I really want to change, please help me God, make it fast and permanent and painless!"

Ha!!! God is not gonna let that happen, He loves me too much to let me get out from under my sinful habits so easily. If He were to change me quickly and without pain, hard work, prayer, or tears then I would boast in my own ability to change, I would deny God His glory and honor. I would become prideful and judgmental.

Lately God has been speaking to me about my mind. Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he..." Or as I have recently adapted it, "For as Cris thinks in her heart, so she is." Did you know that I find it very hard to find any sort of joy in my life? I do and I have been this way for years. My mind is constantly full of negative, joy and hope stealing thoughts. I have been thinking things like, "I might as well not hope for good because then I won't be disappointed when it doesn't come." My thoughts have been negative and thus so has my life.

I've been cultivating a negative life, reaping one and then turning around and blaming God or others for it. I have felt trapped with no where to go and then prone to depression spurred on by feelings of hopelessness. I have been experiencing Matthew 8:13 where Jesus says that it will be done to us as we have believed.

So now what? Now I practice being positive in each situation even if whatever is taking place is not so good. And, THEN I prayerfully expect God to bring good out of whatever is happening. I choose to believe that God is earnestly waiting to be gracious to me, to extend me mercy and loving-kindness. I choose to believe that God is looking for people who are waiting on Him, longing for His victory, favor, love, peace and joy so that He may give it to them (Isaiah 30:18).

Father God, I choose to believe that you are with me, that you are cheering me on as I earnestly choose to change my mind, taking captive the negative thoughts that steal my joy and peace. I believe Lord that You are with me and that although the road will be long and my negative thoughts may at times seem to overtake me, You promise that I will not be overwhelmed (Isaiah 43:2). Prompt the Spirit, Father to convict me of each time that I begin to think negatively and show me the way out, the right way to think. ~Amen