Passion?

I went out with some girls tonight and saw the movie "Australia" with Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman. I long for dreams, for belief in a cause with that much passion and determination - so much passion that I keep on going through the hardships, against all odds and come out on the other side to blessing.

Should the Christian life be passionate? What should the Christian be passionate about? What if the Christian isn't passionate about "those things," is she still Christian? What if the she is a wimp, gives up and does not persevere? Is there any hope for blessing for her? For me?

My life here, on this earth, is not a happy one. O, don't get me wrong, I do not want for physical things. I have a wonderful husband, I have two amazing boys, a wonderful home, cars, cloths, food, I live in a nice neighborhood, I have great friends, good health, etc. But I am not happy. The only passion I feel is in the area of explosive anger which is usually pointed at my kids.

I am usually frustrated, angry, tired, irritated, bored. I feel shame, regret, hopelessness, defeat, less than, undesirable. Some how my life and what I think the Christian life should be do not show any congruency. I often think, that if by God's grace my boys don't have contempt for me, then they will look back on their mother and see me as a woman tormented - kept away from the woman she wants to be by the woman she really is.

Confounded

So how is it that I feel so hurt, guilty, weighed down and like such a failure after being obedient to God's command to be reconciled to my brother (Matt 5)? I asked for forgiveness from my offense and it was granted in word. Then an onslaught of some truth and other 'stuff' came at me. I'm still trying to sort through it all with the Lord. I want to see the feedback that is true and learn from it, but I want to release myself from the issues of the other.

Of course I will continue to be obedient to the Lord, but after my recent experience in doing so, I really am quite hesitant to examine myself. Can any of you relate? I would love to hear your experiences and how our Lord has lead you through them.

Mealtime Madness

Tonight we had French toast for dinner. Aaron actually ate it, YAY!!!!! I think if I put maple syrup on everything my picky eater will be in full compliance. :o)

Plate licking good!!

Arrrr...I'm a French Toast Pirate!

Ready for some sticky kisses?

It goes without saying that we went from the dinner table directly to the bathtub. What you didn't see was the plate "balanced" on top of Aaron's beautiful head. Of course "balanced" is a joke since it was securely stuck there by the syrup!

Silver and Gold

When I was in Girl Scouts - yes, for 7 years - we sang this song:

"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is Silver and the other's Gold. "

At the time I really didn't know what I was singing, but now I certainly do. I got a brief little email from an old friend. A gal I love dearly, but God has taken our lives in slightly different paths so we don't really get to connect too often. She is Golden, a friendship that has been refined by fire, purified and found to be true and valuable.

Thank you Lord for my Silver and Gold friends.

My Shape

I have to tell you about www.myshape.com. I LOVE this website.

Set up an account, answer some style preference questions and enter in all of your measurements - yea, i know, who wants to see those numbers, but trust me it is worth it - then, MAGIC! You have clothing suggestions fitted just to your size and your body shape.

MyShape has categorized bodies into 7 different shapes and has ShapeMatchTM that makes suggestions for your own personalized shop based not only on your measurements but also those style questions you answered in your account set up. Thus far i have ordered two outfits and 1 dress and have felt like a million bucks in each. I have gotten so many compliments from friends and acquaintances when they've seen me in my MyShape outfits.

Warning: Some of the prices of the designers they feature are really expensive, but once you see the examples of items that fit and flatter you, then you are empowered to go to your local treasure hunting grounds and shop till you drop.

Real Life: This Morning

This morning for my Quiet Time, for those of you who are not familiar with the term, I am referring to the time I set aside to spend with Jesus either in prayer or reading/studying from His Word. Anyway, this morning I spent the majority of my Quiet Time crying. Just sitting here at my kitchen table sobbing. So many emotions - fear, anxiety, hopelessness, doubt - were running through my heart. The thoughts running through my mind of course produced the feelings.

Some of my thoughts were:
I can't stop from having angry outbursts with my kids.
I'm know I'm going to get angry today and loose my cool.
I owe my kids a calm, level headed Mother. I am not a calm Mother, I am failing. I am destroying my kids. My kids are going to rebel and run away in their teens.
How is God's grace sufficient when I don't see change, when I don't see any difference between me and people who do not believe in Jesus?
What is my life supposed to look like, how is it supposed to be different when I am experiencing the sufficiency of God's grace?
God's not hearing my prayers, I'm too sinful.
I can't get these thought under control, I have to get them under control.
I know what I'm thinking is not right, O, please forgive me Lord.

My thoughts went on and on and on and so did the tears. I can't remember when I stopped crying or why. But I am here at the end of my day to say that the mixed up prayers of a desperate Mom at 6:30am in the morning were answered all day long today. While I did feel frustration at various levels today, I didn't not give in to a destroying angry outburst with either of my kids. I tangibly felt the Lord's peace today several times and even now I have a sense of hope.

Thank you Lord Jesus for picking me up off the floor, drying my tears, giving me respite, and showing me Victory today. I need You so much. I love You.

Cris

Update on Kali and Tory

Earlier this year, we sadly relocated our beloved dogs Tory and Kali. Here is an update about how they are getting along with their new owners.
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Tori and Kali are doing great! They have just returned from spending a week at our daughter's home with us and the three kids. Our daughter and her husband went to the Dominican Republic on a missions trip so we went down to Warsaw to stay with our grandchildren. Tori and Kali are so tired from all the fun and play they enjoyed with the kids - they are spending this week just sleeping. Our kids live in the woods so there was lots to explore and be interested in. They both did a lot more barking because there were so many strange noises (some of them inside the house!) But they did great and we are all happy to be back home.

I'm sure that Isaac is still missing Kali. She is such a sweetheart. Just so cute! She has shown some spunk though. She sure likes to "wrestle" with Tori. They do that a couple of times a day. She does have a feisty side. And she is such a rascal about stealing the kong from Tori and then going and sitting with it just to spite her. Everyone who has met the girls have said they like Kali best because she is just so sweet.

I did buy them a little swimming pool for the hot days to come. They have been in it a couple of times and of course, Tori likes that the best. Kali just jumps back out.