What would you ask of Him?

 

Then they came to Jericho And as He was leaving Jericho with His disciples and a large crowd, a blind beggar named Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the road.  When he heard that it was Jesus the Nazarene, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"  Many were sternly telling him to be quiet, but he kept crying out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!"  And Jesus stopped and said, "Call him here." So they called the blind man, saying to him, "Take courage, stand up! He is calling for you."Throwing aside his cloak, he jumped up and came to Jesus.  And answering him, Jesus said, "What do you want Me to do for you?" And the blind man said to Him, "Rabboni, I want to regain my sight!"And Jesus said to him, "Go; your faith has made you well." Immediately he regained his sight and began following Him on the road.  Mark 10:46-52

When reading scripture have you ever inserted yourself in the text, as though you were the one walking down the dusty roads if Israel?  I did that with the passage in Mark above. Read the passage above and then read what happened when I rewrote it during a time with the Lord:

I was sitting by the side of the road when I heard the crowd coming.   People are calling Your name.  I can hear their shouts of joy as You touch them.  I hear shuffling feet and smell the dust that is being kicked up by the crowd as they follow You.  More shouts of joy.  I can hear the healing of their hearts in their voices. They have been changed forever.  I want to be seen by You. Do You know that I am here? With all of the people of course You don't see me.  

A desire - a need, a hope - wells up within me.  I want to call out, but I am so scared. You're almost upon me.   don't want to miss this opportunity.  I know You are the Messiah - our promised savior - or at least I think I do.  Maybe I'm wrong? No! I know You are Messiah!  I want healing.  Voices in my mind scold me, 'there is no healing' they yell, 'you've tried everything!'.  Condemning, cold, angry voices in my mind. "No!" I say to the voices, "THIS is Messiah! The Promised One. He CAN heal me." Doubt creeps in, "But will He?"  

I'm shaking, tears are streaming down my cheeks.  I can barely get the words out.  "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me." It was almost a whisper. But someone heard and they're not pleased. Suddenly I don't care if they are pleased.  The tears have stopped and courage courses through my arms and legs.  I jump up from the side of the road and cry aloud, "Son of David have mercy on me!" My arms are waving in the air and to my surprise I'm jumping up and down.  

He heard! He turned! He's calling me!  The crowd is ushering me to Him.  I am in His presence.  All is quiet.  He takes my hands in His and looks into my eyes.  "What do you want me to do for you?", Jesus asks me. 

For real, here I am in my own home where it is safe.  I'm still in the presence of the Lord, my Savior.  He is still holding my hands, still looking in my eyes and waiting to hear my heart's, my soul's desire from Him.  He asks my me again, "What do you want me to do for you?" 

"There is so much Lord. I feel so foolish and so weak.  I want healing.  I want to be able to forgive, to trust and be trusted.  My soul longs for change.  Change me Lord."

 

 

Longing

Deer Sandy Flambeau, originally uploaded by gengberg49.

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my heart pants after You, Oh, God. Ps 42:1

As the Bride waits for her Bridegroom, so my heart longs to be embraced and love by You, O, God.

As a woman's empty arms long for a child, so my heart longs to be filled and my sorrow healed by You, O, God.

As a prisoner longs to see the light of day, so my heart longs for heaven's freedom with You, O, God.

As a boy waits for his Daddy's car to turn down the street, so my heart skips a beat at the thought of encountering You today, O, Lord.

The Road

It is a clear night. The road and everything I see is crystal clear - almost in High Def. I'm on the road, driving this vehicle you've chosen - my life. I can see bugs in the headlights. I'm excited and thrilled, adrenaline is pumping - I'm so excited to be gone - for something new. Just around the bend - a Trisha Yearwood song echoes in the back of my mind. Where are you taking me? Where is my next turn? Did I bring what I need - or rather did I bring something that I should have left behind? What do I need to let go of before I am able to reach the destination you have for me? I'm always excited at the beginning. I build a romanticized picture in my mind of what things will be like but then drop out or get sidelined at the first sign of a detour or construction or if I am asked to get out and walk. Father, help me to dig in and to persevere.

"And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. " Romans 5:3-5

Good-Bye

I'm 38 and there are two women whom I would ever call 'best friend.' One woman I've known since I was 8 years old and the other woman I have known for 6 1/2 years. I have shared many firsts, lasts, births, and deaths with these women.

Beverly, my friend of 30 years lives in Washington State. I said good-bye to her when I was 15. It is strange to think that for most of our friendship we have been apart.

Anne, my friend of 6 1/2 years is moving to North Carolina with her fab family to support her husband as they plant a church. I am excited for them. I can see God's hand in almost every aspect of their journey to this point.

But I gotta ask: Who on earth decided to put the word 'good' in front of bye? Hmmm??? While what they are going to IS good, the leaving part really sucks for everyone involved.

So begins the grieving process and the adjustment to a new normal for my relationship with my beloved best friend.